Search Engine Marketing Blog: piloSEO

I see a lot articles discussing how to be a useful and productive member of social media sites. Nobody is speaking for those who want to fail. Sure most people want to become useful members and help the site become better (while sometimes even helping themselves in the process) but there are some people who want to use social media for their own purposes only and in no way contribute to the site in a positive manner. So for those of you who fit this profile I have great news. I have decided to compile the top 5 ways to fail in your social media efforts. Follow this advice and you will have no problem getting under the skin of all the other members and achieving your ultimate goal of a permanent ban.

5 Rules to Guarantee that you fail in your social media efforts

1. Do not complete your profile: By creating a complete profile you will inherit some credibility. Heck, by doing a little more than the minimum will allow to at least look like you desire to become a valuable member. If you don’t want any credibility you will need to fill out the bare minimum. Don’t add a picture, don’t add any interests, don’t join any groups, etc. Just throw up a user name and an email address. This will help you avoid participating in the social part of the equation.
2. Only submit or vote for your articles: To make sure you are unsuccessful be sure to only submit your own blatanly self promoting stories. Social media and news sites are designed to help members discover and spread interesting articles, news items, blog posts, etc. The most successful members submit, vote for, and comment on interesting stories regardless of the source. You don’t want to be like them. Write a bunch of poorly written, spammy, self promoting articles and submit them as fast as you can. Oh, and be sure that you do not submit or vote for articles from any other sites but your own. Being an active participant can lead to at least some success, you don’t want that.
3. Don’t comment on anything: Again, participation can lead to success so avoid commenting at all costs. Commenting on stories allows you to express your opinion and can lead others who agree with you to send friend requests. You don’t need an social media friends. Why would you want that. Avoid the possibility of receiving friend requests by not participating at all (other than submitting your own stuff). If you feel you must comment on something make sure it is trolly and obnoxious. That way you can get the need to comment out of your system and at the same time guarantee nobody will want to send you a friend request.
4. Deny any Friend Requests: If you are doing this right you should not get any but there are some weird people out there and you may actually receive a friend request from time to time. Make sure you deny these as fast as possible. Again, why would you want to create a network of friends on a social site? Sure, they could turn into loyal readers of your blog or find something on your site that they find interesting and write or talk about it on their blogs but who needs that. You have enough friends in the real world and your entire family reads your blog every once in a while. Bonus Advice: If you really want to lower your chances at success send a snarky email to member who made a friend request explaining that you have enough friends and you don’t need any loser online social media friends. Be as mean as possible.
5. Create multiple profiles: Refer to point number 1 when creating these profiles. Once you have more than one profile make sure you follow all of the steps I have listed. You should take extra care to only vote for and submit your blatantly self promotion stuff. Switch it up. Submit with one profile for a while and vote with the others. Then submit some other articles with a different profile and vote for it with the others. Do this all the time. Social media sites strictly forbid multiple profiles but you can get around this. The other members will generally pick it up fairly quickly if you follow the rules I have given you but who cares right. You don’t need their approval or acceptance you just want them to buy something from you. If you get booted just create a new profile and start the process over again.

Follow my rules and you will be on your way to complete failure

By following these 5 rules you will be guaranteed failure in your social media endeavors. If by some chance you don’t get banned or draw the ire of everyone who happens to find your profile you are on your own. I am sure you can find other ways to fail here. Chances are if you follow my rules you don’t have to worry about succeeding and becoming a useful member. So get to work.

Popularity: 22% [?]

• Social Media: Find Your Niche
  Digg, Reddit, Stumble Upon, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Newsvine, etc. I am sure that most Internet users have heard of at least one or two of...
• Sphinn is Losing a Valuable Contributor
  David Harry, AKA The Gypsy, has decided to leave Sphinn and all other social media sites and I for one will miss his contributions. David...
• 11 Ways to Get Free Traffic to your Brand New Site
  Your brand new site is live, what's next? You finished developing the perfect site and you just know everyone will love it if they could...
• AnalyticsLife: Web Analytics Social Networking
  I will be the first to admit that while I do have some experience in Web Analytics I could probably learn a lot more. I...